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Badass Badges ArchiveHome | The Badass Blog! - Updated 28th July 2009
Welcome to the Badass Blog - Latest Update 28th July 2009
July 28th……..

I’m back…….I’ve just returned from the Far East having organised the shipment of 40,000 Michael Jackson ‘Celebration Of Life’ commemorative prosthetic noses. Each monogrammed snug fit™ hooter is fully dishwasher proof and comes with a certificate of authenticity signed by Dr Seuss, one of the doctors who helped craft the original…..Available soon - Watch this space..

Badass Bacon BasherThis month’s badge query comes from Ms Constance Mell who lives in Pongton Surrey, she asks:

Will a strategically placed badge lessen the chances of me catching swine flu?

Well Constance, having spoken to various Medical Experts, I can confirm that a strategically placed badge which says ‘Back the fuck away from me if you feel anything other than 100% fit’ will definitely reduce the risk.

Finally, wasn’t it great to see Nelson Mandela celebrate his 91st birthday recently wearing the original ‘Free me’ badge I made for him back in the day…

June 16th

Sorry I’ve been quiet for a while however immediately upon my release from quarantine I was summoned by Gordy Brown-trousers and big Al Sugar who appointed me as the Government’s Badge Tsar with instantaneous effect…..

My new role involves travelling the world by private jet spending lavish amounts of money entertaining people who don’t have the slightest idea what they are doing….(Sounds great but isn’t that Tony Blair-Witch’s job!!)….

I have wasted no time in nominating the Pig and Whistle in Bletchley as my primary residence and have already submitted expenses for 178 pints of Stella and my own love swing in the beer garden…..

The pick of this months mailbag comes from a blatant tree-hugger called Mike Rutch…..Mike wants to buy 6 ‘I love Ladyboys’ badges for an upcoming trip he and his ‘Posse’ are making to the Philippines but wants to know if they are ethically manufactured?

Yes Mike, of course….All our badges are manufactured in the foothills of the Himalayas by Nepalese children…All the children are closely monitored and work an absolute maximum of 22 hours per day, are fed and washed weekly and are released when they reach puberty…

Finally, as a new team sponsor, I want to wish Jenson Button-Badge all the best at this weekends British Grand Prix….(Watch out for the Badass logo on his car)…
Button Badass!

12th May 2009……Happy May my Badass Brethren…….

Having recently got back to Blighty, I'm absolutely over the moon to report that I secured a silver rosette in Cancun at the 2009 World Phlegm Hurling Championships……

We got a fantastically warm welcome when we landed back at Gatwick, and were given complimentary freshen up showers and covered generously in a fine mist of lavender decontamination powder……I absolutely love my new paper clothes and have had no end of fun personalising my facemask…

Whilst having to spend 24 hours a day in my special quarantine tent-bed is rather restricting, it has given me a chance to catch up on all your enquiries….

I received an important environmentally sensitive question in this week’s postbag from Ms Jenny Taylor from Biggleswade….

Jenny asks ‘Are badges biodegradable and if not can they be recycled?’

The answer Jenny is yes & yes…

A DinosaurusIf you bury any unwanted badges in arable soil to a depth of about
12 - 15cms they will almost certainly brake down completely over the ensuing 18 - 20,000 years (Apart from the Plastic and metal bits..Oooh and the paper is laminated with vinyl so that may hang around a little longer...)

If on the other hand you are more interested in recycling then I can confirm that in the Third World a huge amount of old badges are adapted for use as spectacles - simply join two badges together using pipe cleaners, drill the badge centres out and cover the holes with clingfilm (You can always make a monocle if you don’t have any pipe cleaners..)

I hope that puts your mind at rest Jenny……..Cheers for now……..

14th April 2009

’Piss up’ and ‘Brewery’ come to mind…..I have just spent my entire Bank Holiday weekend putting the finishing touches to our Easter Badge Range, only to be informed by the Custody Sergeant who signed me out this morning that I’ve missed the whole bloody thing…Unbelievable…

Anyhooooo…. With Gordon Brown proving that ‘Sorry’ really is ‘The hardest word’ (There’s a song in there somewhere Elton), I’d like to show him the way by apologising grovellingly and unreservedly to the members of The Nottingham and District Ladies Vegan Archery & Hunting Association who apparently received several ‘I love Meat’ badges mixed in with their recent order for ‘I love Beards’….Soz ladies…

Finally, the British press has just published irrefutable evidence that the new ‘E-mail this Badass badge to a friend’ function (Activated by clicking on any badge design and following the idiot proof instructions) proved enormously popular with various World leaders at the recent G20 summit in London…..The highly regarded weekly magazine Badger’s World reported that..

...the camera never lies“Ben Dover from Badass Badges was unavailable for comment last night, however we understand from our confidential source that sales of ‘Banker’s are Wankers’ Badges have gone through the roof……There were also as yet unconfirmed reports that President Obama was sporting a colourful round badge on his lapel as he boarded Air force one”…..

Amazing…..

1st April 2009

Having eventually received level 7 clearance from the E.U. Free-speech Committee it fills me with insurmountable love and joy to finally be able to begin Badass Blogging…..

It is my intension (Natural disasters and acts of god permitting), to keep all you Badass Badgers regularly updated (Every 2 weeks or so), on all the important Global badgeing issues, any interesting (But legal!!) Dover family activity, all worthy correspondence received, and any other issues which I feel may prove informative, or which could help unravel the mystery of existence…

To that end I would like to offer a hearty thanks to Ms Tess Tickle from Pantsdown in Beds for her wonderful missive praising the updated site…Unfortunately however Tess you then insisted on putting forward some frankly worryingly obscene new badge suggestions, which has left me with no alternative other than to pass on your details to the authorities (And Crimewatch)….

Unfortunately Nonny says the minibus has just arrived so I’ve got to go…...

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